Advice

Just a word of advice:

Never ask a friend to shave your back, even if you're gay because, like, that's just a little too gay.

That is all.

James

Been a while (repost)

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Yeah its been a while. My excuses:

a. its too damn nice out to be writing blogs
b. ....
c. ....

You dont need much more reason than that...I really haven't been busy with anything tho.....but anyway, lets add to this collection of shit and naked chicks we call the internet.....and today I will be adding shit. Sorry, no naked chicks.The only thing in my life that has been eventful and worthy of your attention are the bad things that have convieniently found their way to me... And if you're from the back roads of Kentucky like someone I used to know, you'd know bad things come in threes.Bad thing number one: Some one bashed my car window in and stole some CDs and my cell phone.Bad thing number two: While cleaning up all the glass in my car today, I decided to remove the seats and set them in the grass. In the process of setting a seat down, I leaned my hand into a pile of dog shit.....I said, "Shit!" and then had to laugh even tho I didn't want to....I hate that.  Bad thing number three hasn't happened yet, but I know its out there. So i'll be on the look out.....and rumor has it that the third is usually the worst..............

Todays excitement

Have you ever hurt yourself and the act of hurting yourself was so retarded that you didn't want to tell anyone? I had one of those experiences today....although Im gonna tell you about it....

So today I was planning on playing soccer with a bunch of interns. Im sorta lookin fwd to it....I really dont play soccer.....BUT an intern invited me to play the other day and I felt obliged to go..........very similar to me feeling obliged to look up obliged and make sure Im spelling it right.....ok, o-b-l-i-g-e-d....awesome....anyway, I felt OBLIGED to go, so I was planning on attending. Im not really sure if you know what I do, but Im a structural design engineer (the act of employing me as such may be an act of terrorism...we'll see what happens) and I spend all day in front of a screen designing/drawing up repairs for damaged 747s. So today I was doin' my thing, clickin' the mouse, looking at the screen, shifting in my seat a little bit to the beat of my IPOD......then outta no where comes this pain from my groin. I pulled a fucking groin! Drafting! I have to be the biggest pansy in the world.......

You know this reminds me of the time I hurt my neck while answering a phone at work (dont ask my how, its another one of those wtf moments). I decided to go to the Boeing nurse and see if they could hook me up with a pain killer and before I knew it, I was set up with massage sessions and physical therapy sessions 3 days a week.......I know what it feels like to be a starting pitcher on the mariners now I guess.

Just thought you folks would like to see Mountain Dew's OTHER ad campaign....I guess the target audience here are rad mountain bikers with handle bar mustaches and tight shorts. REALLY extreme ultimate power....this was found in Canada, by the way. "Ooohhhh" you say.  

Why is the penis so funny?

I was wondering today, thinking of my past posts, why is the penis so funny?....

No one EVER says, "HA! That looks like an knee!" or uses inanimate objects, like pancake mix, to make the shape of a fore arm. I doubt anyone would really care if you were eating pancakes in the shape of a forearm....BUT, when someone mentions "penis," even when they're being serious, there will probably be at LEAST one person holding back a snicker.

Could it be possible that the wang is the source of all humor? You know, I've heard so much about this funny bone, but I've NEVER gotten a serious answer as to where it is...makes me think no one has told me where it is because everyone is too ambarassed to say, "Yeah....um, medically speaking, the funny bone is the wang...."

Actually, that would be hilarious if someone said that, which sort of proves my point....that humor is directly related to the penis....although whipping it out at a party still isn't funny......

I guess the most meaningful and useful bit of wisdom we can take out of this train of thought is some insite as to why so many hot women women say "I want a man who has a good sense of humor" but the for the most part, date assholes who aren't even remotely close to being funny....BUT I bet they have big dicks.....

Thats all I got.

J

Marriage Pressure

Man, marriage pressure. Some of you guys may know what Im talkin' about, but some of you might not. I've been with my girl Leah for a year and 5 months now and a couple of times she has hinted at marriage. She's tricky tho. She'll catch you off guard with her subtle little hints...

Tonight we were watching American Wedding and in one of the scenes the character who stuck his dick in a pie in American Pie was talking with his future wife. The future wife asks the pie porker "How did you know I was the one?" He answers and as soon as that scene is over, Leah turns to me to ask:

"Am I the one?"

Oh I dont know Neo, you might be.....How do you respond to that? I stumbled around that and finally got out "Sure, you might be the one....you're the right type for being the one......" and that answer got me a silent "dont touch me" treatment. Fucking great.

What the fuck?!?! Pisses me off. Yes, she may be the one, but who wants loaded questions like that when considering a mate for life long partnership. As of right now, Im 25 years and 16 days old. With the way the average life span is increasing, I probably have another 75 years to go. I was planning on getting married around 30-33 and having kids around 35-37 and that leaves me 63 years left to spend with my wife and kids. When considering a 63 year long commitment, I think it would be wise to spend at least a couple of years evaluating the partner before fully committing yourself. Makes sense to me.

...anyway, Im just venting

The Monthly Update

Hey whats crackin' y'alls. I got a cat! Man is he cute. He did the cutest thing today too! This morning I was getting out the shower and the cat happens to be waiting for me! How cute! Little cute cat! So I continue along with my daily routine, get out of the shower, (hee hee hee the cat is so cute!) dry off, put on deodorant, brush my teeth and I guess in the middle of my tooth brushing vigor I happened to be shaking a little bit which caused the cat to go for my wang like a cat nip soaked bag of crack....HOLY Fucking SHIT! I hate my cat and there for I threw Leah's hair brush at him.....on the other side I guess I learned today that my penis is an attention grabber......why am I telling you this?

Yeeeeaaaa......moving on

Man, you know how digital cameras are all great and everything? Well the other day I decided to completely delete everything on my lap top. Im talkin' bout everything. I wanted a clean slate. Yeah so I "burn" everything important, like digital pictures, to a CD, wipe the slate clean, and install everything new. When I bust in my "important things" CD, ITS FRICKIN' BLANK!!! MAN! HORSESHIT! So I lost all my pictures except the ones I have posted here on the net....yeah so needless to say if I sent you any pictures of my girlfriend naked, could you send a copy over back to me? Ha ha ha...no,seriously.....

Thats My monthly update! Lemme know whats goin' on with alls yous!